My friends and I often carry Mum’s guilt, haunted by where we fell short. Recently, I saw one of Kate Langbroek’s posts and she’d asked her son, ‘What did I do right?’ I loved the phrasing and the reframe. Thanks Kate!

So, I asked my 24-year-old son, Cam and my 26-year-old daughter, Moni, the same question, requesting a few sentences.

I share their responses, not to brag about how an amazing Mum I am, yada yada (cheers Seinfeld), but to invite you to challenge the guilt we carry as Mums. Even with these heartfelt, sensitive, and raw words from my adult children, I am, at times, riddled with thoughts of where I messed up, what I could have done better and what they went without. There is a time and place for this kind of reflection. Today, however, I am literally basking in the preciousness of their honesty, grace, gratitude and love, and for their presence in my life.

Cam

The best thing Mum ever did for us was love us unconditionally, and actually show it all the time. She always reminded us to be kind, lead with big hearts, and talk things out instead of bottling stuff up. Nothing ever got swept under the rug. I reckon that’s what gave me real self-belief and respect for myself – and it’s probably why I treat people with the same kindness.

Moni

You were always meant to be a Mum. You showed us continuous, unconditional love. You were there for our victories, and stood with us through our failures. You made us feel that we were enough as we are. We feel comfortable in knowing your heart is always with us. You are our home.

And to my dear Mum, from me

Mum, you unfortunately can’t understand many of my words now, due to the impact of dementia. But in honouring what you did right, you always put family first. Regardless of my choices, you stood by me, and loved me. Your superpower: the child whisperer; a gift and an incredible intuition of the importance of safety, stability and support that children need, with no parenting books or the likes of Dan Siegel in sight. You cared for Moni and Cam, like they were your own I will forever be grateful.

Ask your children, ‘What did I do right?’