Compassion
April 2022
Moni and Beck are my housemates. One happens to be my daughter and the other her fiancé.
Today I witnessed an interaction between them that stirred a deep reckoning within me.
Moni was frantically searching for a specific top, Beck gently saying in the background, ‘We have to go babe.’ Their friends were meeting them at the markets. Moni continued to empty every drawer onto their bedroom floor, agitation entering her movements, irritation entering her comments as she suggested Beck had moved it from where she last left it. I hear another gentle, ‘We have to go babe.’ Moni refused to give in, accusing Beck of not doing anything this morning to help, suggesting this was all her fault and continues to scour all areas of the house, appearing frustrated and accusatory, her body language closed and unforgiving.
This is what proceeded.
Beck patiently walked up the stairs to their bedroom and joined Moni in her search. She sat on the bedroom floor, cross legged, non threatening. There was no confrontation, no yelling, simply her presence, defences down, a calm demeanour.
Moni eventually found the top, at least 30 minutes later, accidentally placed somewhere, by her.
In this moment, Moni simultaneously released the pent up emotion. Beck held her hands, looked into her eyes, reminded her to take a breath. She tightly engulfed Moni with her arms in a secure hug. Instantaneously, Moni spiralled into sharing with Beck what was actually beneath the tip of the iceberg. There was something very pressing playing on Moni’s mind, a harrowing personal issue, camouflaged by panic, high anxiety and incessant obsessiveness, something she couldn’t articulate before. Beck listened.
In this moment, Beck had not stepped away and abandoned Moni. Nor had she internalised Moni’s accusations. She consciously stepped into Moni’s chaos, reminding Moni with her compassionate response, that she got it. Beck, on a very deep level, knew this was not about the top, and invited a non judgmental space between them for this to eventually resolve, their relationship still in tact, no irreversible harm done. Moni more at peace. The union cemented.
Wow.
If you would like to reflect on your own behaviours, that possibly originate in some early conditioning(!), connect with me, and I will safely support you.