Release

November 2022

Driving home from my hills cabin yesterday, after liaising with the tradies again, comparing quotes, project managing the renovations and my executive functioning stretched, I was cursing, wishing my father had acknowledged everything I had done since April 2021, (a monumental time in my life), while he instead ranted over the phone to me about the cost of the flooring. Why was the pessimism so damn irritating, particularly this evening?

I visited him today, as I often do on a Saturday. He's 85, a problem solver true and true. One of those people that fixes everything and never gives up. While sharing a gourmet vegetarian pizza from his local pizzeria and drinking a can of Kombucha, he told me he had been up early this morning, at Mitre 10 by 7.30am, loaded the car with his tools, my Mum and a chair for her, and he went to my hills home, unbeknown to me. He had dug a trough to the side of the house, redirected the flow of water, and cleared the outside drains. He knew that left unaltered, it might be problematic for me in the future.

And the penny dropped.

The irritating feeling was not about him. It was about me, my self-doubt, my own lack of self compassion and dwindling self love erupting amidst the new chapter I was writing. I was setting foundations, kind of alone, digging deep into my soul while I trusted in the universe, spoke my mantras, and invested in my liberation, transforming yet again. I reflected on my perfectionistic traits, wanting to please him, make him proud. I didn’t need to please him. He just loved me unconditionally and wanted the best for me. Full stop.

Thank you Dad.

The tip of the iceberg for me was irritation. The underlying layer, fear of failure.

Let’s get this cabin finished so I can move in!